


It Was Never Set In Stone

by slime_hawk



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dirk eventually becomes Bro, Humanstuck, Im sorry if you read this, M/M, Multi, No Underage Sex, and all of my writing is really rushed, but there is an age gap, i write John horribly, im not spoiling which ship is endgame, im sorry if you hate me for it i know weve all been there, it's a long god damn story, it's a weird long story like i said ????, most of it i have yet to write, nonbinary!Roxy Lalonde
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 10:30:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6654436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slime_hawk/pseuds/slime_hawk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John's face was lit aflame, staring at the man across him. "What, after all of this? You're just going to apologize and act like it means something?" </p><p>The Strider didn't show any emotion, hidden by his shades as usual. John's reflection stared back at him, and he was glad that he could't see the eyes behind them. He'd remember the times that those eyes looked at him lovingly, or hungrily, or with a disgusted flare. He didn't think he could handle that right now, as he tore his world down word by word.</p><p>this story is specifically about how shitty and bad pedophilia is lol</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And So It Began

      John Egbert knew when middle school hit that he hadn't been struck by what the other kids had. He remembered the boys chasing girls in the 5th grade, the girls squealing and smiling all the while, but he hadn't ever been interested. When the other boys tried to pull on the girls' hair, he was on the swings, eyes closed, reaching for the sky. He hadn't felt like he had been missing out on anything, though, as he realized that he was a bit different; he felt like he had gotten that much closer to reaching the clouds.

            He was on the swings now, at 12 years old, waiting for his sister to walk by and chase him on home. Jane didn't trust him to get home on time without getting lost or sidetracked though he'd done it every day since the beginning of 6th grade, so she met him here at the elementary school they'd both attended years ago. The chains on the swings creaked softly, and it reminded him of the creaking of his back gate. His hand had felt like it was shocked this morning when he reached to open it, hinting at the turn of the seasons. John shivered and pulled his sleeves over his hands. He wanted Jane to hurry up.

            John had spent probably 10 more minutes swinging while his thoughts remained idle. He focused on the wind rushing over him and he imagined himself jumping off. Though he'd always wanted to, some kid had broken his arm and his obnoxious shades doing so when he was little, so he never dared. If he broke something on this playground, he doubted he'd ever be let back here by his father. John smiled at the thought of his dad and the promise of warm food when he got home.

            He heard a loud laugh from down the street echoing over to him. He let a foot drag into the wood chips when he realized that he knew that laugh. Jane and her friends chattered on as they continued down the street, and John noted that there were two more than usual. He slowed himself by dropping his feet to the ground, observing Jane, Roxy, and the two newcomers. He let his feet plant himself to the ground and he started walking toward the group.

            The two new boys both contrasted and complemented his sister and her familiar friend. One of the boys had a shock of white-blonde hair much like Roxy's, but shorter and styled back into a complicated sweep that looked almost sharp. His shades gleamed in the light, the same shape as the kid from the 3rd grade. This boy looked much like him, but also a bit older. If he was the same age as Jane, he must have been 16 years old, John thought, but he didn't quite look like he had grown into the number yet. His thin, pale limbs hung down from his slim body, but he carried himself in a way that John thought to be confident, as if he wasn't scared of anything because he knew how to handle it all, and though his friends were laughing, he just smirked.

            The other boy was almost the opposite. His hair was as dark as night, sticking up in all directions and hanging in his tan face. He smiled with his whole face, his eyes crinkling and lighting up. John noted the buck teeth sticking out from his lips, reminding him of his sister's and his own. He rivaled the siblings in height, though, as his muscled body sprung upward like a eucalyptus tree. His eyes were as green as leaves in spring, standing out against the grey winter sky. His shoulders hunched as he laughed, and he looked confident in a completely different way. He seemed carefree as opposed to the blond's calculating, and he showed his emotions with no guard. John felt himself warming at the boy's happy mood. It was simply infectious.

            In the time that John spent analyzing the new boys, the group had made their way to the playground and Jane met his eyes with a wide smile.

            "John!" She called excitedly. "Come on, I want you to meet some friends."

            John walked over at a monitored rate, careful not to come across as too eager. His teeth quickly found his lip, but he forced them to let go. Being a younger sibling was something to be careful of. He knew that Jane loved him, but he didn't want to end up being a pest. "Are they coming over?"

            She nodded, still excited. "Yep! I'm going to ask Dad if they can stay for dinner and desert."

            John snorted and smiled. "He'll probably make a cake just for the occasion."

            Roxy grinned at the thought. "Mmmmm, Janey, you know how delicious I find your dad's cake."

            The dark-haired boy stifled a laugh. "I've heard so much about his cake and cripes I really wanna try it!"

            Jane grinned at him before remembering something, her face twisting into her realization. "Oh yeah, guys, this is my brother John." She gestured loosely to him and watched her friend's faces.

            "Hello." John said, making eye contact with the dark-haired boy before searching for something behind the other's shades.

            "John, this is Jake-" She pointed at the dark-haired boy. "- and Dirk." With the other hand she pointed at the blond. He loosened at his name, and John realized he didn't notice that he had gone stiff.

            "Hey lil' man." Dirk said with a small smirk, removing a hand from his pocket to wave.

            Jake rolled his eyes at the other boy and smiled. "Ey, mate, don't patronize him. Look at him he's almost grown." He turned to John and smiled. "Nice to meet you, John, we've heard a bit about you."

            Roxy giggled. "Yeah, Janey mentions how much of a brat you are all the time!"

            Jane fakes a gasp. "Not true! Oh Roxy, you liar."

            John laughs at the group of friends, feeling at ease with their presence. Jane scolds Roxy a bit more before she says that they should all continue home before Dad worries. The older kids seem to welcome John in with ease as Jake makes small talk with him on the way home.

                                                                       

* * *

        

            John had been right about the cake. As soon as they all had finished their chicken -- of course Dad had let them stay for dinner -- their father had shooed them upstairs so he could start on a vanilla cake with buttercream frosting. John liked cake a decent amount, but he didn’t have the stomach for it tonight since they'd had it a few days ago, so he doubted he'd be joining them for desert.

            When they'd all been banished from the kitchen, John took this chance to leave the group of teens and fled to his room. He'd liked them all a large amount, but he did fear becoming an annoying little brother stereotype. Jane had once reassured him that she doubted she could be annoyed with him for any reason, but it lingered a bit since a few of his friends had siblings and found themselves either annoyed or annoying. He figured that if they wanted him to join them again, they'd ask and he'd oblige, but for now he had to do his homework.

            He didn't despise math like most of his friends, having been fairly good at it since he first learned it, and he tackled his Algebra eagerly. He loved the way it felt to make sense of a problem, sorting it out and finding a solid answer. While most found checking their work bothersome, he felt vindicated once he saw he was right. John sometimes spaced the homework out so he wouldn't finish it too quickly. His loud friend, Karkat, had ranted on about how inhuman that was of John, but John knew that Karkat struggled with math sometimes and he hated it because of that. Karkat traded him science tutoring for math tutoring, and they both got along well in their classes.

            He took a break in the middle of the problem set to take a look at what else he had to do. He had finished the reading chapters for language arts and he'd finished his art project a few days ago, so other than math all he had was science. This year they were learning life science, and as much as Jane had loved it, John found that earth science was easier for him because of all of the equations. Numbers were much more his speed.

            He attempted to memorize some of the elements on the periodic table before giving up and turning back to his math. He didn't care about Cadmium or Copper or Cobalt, let alone which one was abbreviated to what. He'd rather graph parabolas and solve for x. He snorts at the thought, realizing what a nerd he really is.

            The rest of his math goes fast, all graphs and equations this chapter, and he soon finds himself done, wondering what else he would do that night. Just as he ran out of ideas, John heard a crash through the wall he shared with Jane. Before that it had been muffled chatter, so he jumps a bit in surprise. He hears footsteps trailing to his room before a short knock, and he makes a sound that should sound like permission to enter.

            "Hey John," Jane says while opening the door, "do you wanna come play Smash Bros. with us? Jake just kinda rage quit so Dirk needs a partner."

            John laughs, standing up. "So that's what that was! Yeah, I'd love to join. I just finished my homework actually."

            "Great!" Jane says with a grin, walking back to her room.

            John follows her through the hall and to her room right next to his. He closes the door behind him and looks around to see Dirk, Jake, and Roxy sitting on the floor with controller in hand, save for Jake who was crossing his arms and seemed to be pouting. Roxy was talking fast at him and John heard snippets of a rant about "growing up" and "having his ass handed to him like a man" and Dirk chuckled a bit at that, which surprised John.

            John quickly dispelled the surprise, scolding himself for thinking he was the expert on someone he had just met. For all he knew, Dirk laughed lightly like that all the time. He could have had the easiest god damn sense of humor, for all John knew. But no, John could tell that he had been guarded earlier when he didn't show any sign of emotion except condescending amusement. Dirk seemed looser, half curled into himself with one hand holding his legs to his chest, the other gripping the controller.

            By the time John noticed Dirk was tensed up again and no longer laughing, he'd been staring for an amount of time he didn't know. He cursed himself in his mind, moving to sit down near Jake to grab his controller. Roxy and Jane were laughing at Jake now, and though he didn't know what had happened, their warmth seeped into him and he smiled, making himself comfortable. A stare isn't the worst thing.

            "Alright," Jane said while still giggling. "John, you'll be on Dirk's team, facing off with Roxy and I."

            John nodded, setting his character to random while hoping Dirk chose the blue verson for their team. Jane went for Mario, Roxy for Pikachu, and Dirk chose Peach, muttering "irony" when John glanced over his glasses at him.

            Someone picked a stage and then they started.

            And it was over too quickly in John's mind. All he remembered was trying to dodge Jane and Roxy as they teamed up on him -- he ended up with a green Jigglypuff, to his dismay -- deeming him the weaker link. The two of them came at him with everything, but he dodged well and countered when he could, being no stranger to both their playing styles. Roxy was over so often that they were practically another sibling, and John had faced off against them many times, as well as Jane. While the two were bombarding him, Dirk was off to the side pelting both them with attacks to build up their damage ratios. John had backed them up to the side of the map, and since their match was single stock, it was over once Dirk grabbed Roxy and flung her off the edge and John hit Jane with a home-run bat.

            Jake stared slack-jawed at the screen before bursting into laughter while Jane grumbled to herself about luck. Roxy joined Jake in laughing despite their epic loss and John slowly started to grin. That had been the most amazing game of Smash he had ever witnessed. He turned to Dirk who smiled in a way he thought was approvingly at him before holding out his fist for a bump that John provided. Dirk nodded at John before turning to Roxy.

            "Well, Lalonde, it seems that you've had your own plush rump handed to you on a silver platter." He said simply.

            Roxy burst out laughing again, throwing their head back. "Yeah I guess so!"

            Jane stared at John for a moment, her face completely serious. "Your ass is grass, John. Grass."

            Before Jane could make good on her threat, Dad called at them from downstairs for cake, and John realized it had gotten a bit late. Jane's friends would probably leave not long after cake, and he felt a bit sad, but happy that he had a good enough relationship with this sister to hang out with them all like this.

            "Well, I'm gonna get me some cake!" Roxy yelled before they ran out of the room, Jake following enthusiastically.

            "I'm guessing you're gonna pass, John?" Jane asked, fully aware of how easily John got sick of the stuff.

            Before John could answer, though, Dirk cut in and said, "Well, I know I am. I can't really handle sweets too often."

            "Oh okay, Dirk. Let me know if you wanna take some home or something." Jane said. Dirk nodded and she slowly walked out of the room leaving John and Dirk alone.

            John remembered the stare from before and how he didn't think he'd said anything directly to Dirk the whole day. It was something about Dirk's shades and his confidence that stirred something inside of John that made him a little bit uncomfortable. He didn't think he was afraid of the other boy, but something put him on edge, this feeling in his chest. He thought back to when he'd had a crush on Roxy suddenly, and he noped the fuck out of that thought process.

            John squirmed a little bit, pushing the whole tangent he'd been on away, and Dirk sighed.

            "What?" John asked. Dirk stared at him, or John thought he did though he couldn't see behind those glasses.

            Dirk shrugged nonchalantly, as his sigh didn't carry the weight of the whole silence. John thought he saw movement behind the shades but they must have been specifically for hiding because he wasn't sure. "Jane must have told you. That's why you're acting weird."

            "Wha-" John started before he heard feet running up the stairs and he stood and walked over to Jane's book case to look busy. He didn't know why he suddenly needed to "act natural", as if he hadn't been before, but he was reading the back of a book when the rest of the group burst back into the room.

            The weird thickness to the air dissipated as Roxy ran over to Dirk and tried to shove a bit of cake into his mouth. "Dirky you gotta try this!"

            John watched him recoil away from Roxy's fork full of cake before turning to Jane who had her face scrunched up into worry, ignoring her loud friends.

            "Everything okay, John?" She asked tentatively.

            He forced a laugh, trying to forget the way Dirk tensed when John stared at him and the weight of his sigh. "Oh yeah, I just remembered that I wanted to borrow a book from you."

            Jane glanced down at the book, looking far from convinced. "You want to read Dirk's version of Pony Pals?"

            John's face burned. He didn't know what was wrong with him today.

            He quickly shoved the book back into its place, shrugging with a forced apathy. He tried to look at Jane in a way that said 'can we talk about this later?', and she seemed to understand because she nodded. They both sat back down in the group, Jane separating John from Dirk. He breathed out a tiny sigh of relief, trying to disguise it, and he thanked his lucky star that he got Jane for a sister.

                                                                       

* * *

 

            An hour later, at around 8 o'clock, Roxy's mom called to say she was on her way to take all of them home and they all reverted into cool down mode. They wrapped up their smash tournament, Dirk and Roxy tying evenly with Jane and John, before Jake announced the blonds as the official winner of the night. Roxy threw their arms up and made a comment about them needing a trophy, and they all lounged about the living room until Roxy's mom drove up and the three friends piled into her car which then pulled away.

            Jane didn't leave right away, instead turning to John and smiling. "I had fun tonight. What about you?"

            John grinned. "I had tons of fun. I really like your friends."

            Jane smiled wider, nodding her head. "I'm glad! I think they like you too. Well, I know Roxy adores you. Jake said you seemed more grown up than a 6th grader."

            John shrugged, secretly glowing over the fact that he seemed mature and that they liked him. He had close friends his age, but they all seemed to like each other more than they liked him. Karkat was the only one who didn't cling to someone other than John, though he did spend a lot of time around his other friend Sollux as well.

            Suddenly growing serious, Jane lowered her voice and said, "So, do you want to talk about what was wrong earlier?"

            John shook his head. "I'd like to think about it more. I'm not sure what happened, really." And that was the truth. John hadn't thought about it much since he threw himself into the tournament that began soon after. He didn't think Jane would understand it right now, since he didn't understand it himself.

            "Some other time then?" Jane asked and then stifled a yawn. John realized how tired he was then, the night having drained him. He felt content and drowsy.

            "Yeah, definitely." He yawned and then said," But I think I'm going to go to bed."

            "Alrighty, goodnight John. I'm gonna help Dad clean the kitched before I go to bed." She turned away, and then turned back, smiling warmly. "Love you."

            John returned the smile easily. "Love you too."

            John turned away from his sister and made his way up the stairs to his room. He threw off his jacket, shirt, and jeans before throwing on some warm pajama pants and a sweater, knowing it'd be cold in the morning. With the flick of a switch, the light went off and John crawled into bed. He was so tired the thoughts of Dirk chuckling and smiling almost didn't register as he fell asleep.


	2. Another Day, Another Interesting Choice In Eyewear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John's life is so exciting nowadays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the nice comments ! This might be the last (and only) quick update because now I have to start writing the rest of it. And let me tell you, this will be a loooooooong riiiiiiiide.

John awoke the next day refreshed, a warm feeling of contentment sitting in his chest. He looked over at the clock he had just hit snooze on to see that it was only 6:10, and he had another 40 minutes until he had to even think about leaving. For some reason, he hadn't slept through his first 2 alarms and woken up at 6:40 with barely any time to shower before he changed, grabbed his stuff and left. Blinking the sleep out of his eyes, he tried to remember what time he had gone to bed and why he'd slept so well. Sunglasses, Smash Bros., and cake all came to mind and the night's events came back to him in a flash. He smiled at the memory of the tournament, even if he and Jane had lost. He'd had a good night, even with the odd few minutes with Dirk.

            He crawled to the edge of his bed and leaned up to his window to look outside. The sun didn't show any sign of coming up and the street lamps were still on, orange being cast onto the tire swing and pogo ride in his front yard. The tree swayed gently telling him that today would be a little windy, and his window fogged up with his breath. Yep, it was still winter. He groaned, knowing he'd have to walk to and from school in the cold, and he pushed himself back before walking out into the hallway to grab a towel from the closet and making his way to the bathroom to shower. Jane hadn't gotten up yet, so he could probably take his time, and she was a night shower person anyway. He turned the water on and as far to the side as he could usually handle, and turned to the mirror.

            His hair was a mess, flipping out to one side like he'd been standing in the wind for hours. He wished the shower would tame it, but he knew it probably wouldn't. This was just how his hair worked. He grabbed the tool sitting next to his toothbrush and opened his mouth to fit it into his pallet expander. He'd gotten braces in the 5th grade and they'd been a pain, but his teeth looked better already. He twisted the tool in the metal fitted near the top of his mouth, then put it back and got ready to shower.

            When he stepped in, the water was hot and there was steam billowing off of it, and it both soothed John and woke him up. He sighed into the steam and rolled his shoulders. He took a minute to relish the moment instead of jumping into his routine. He felt different today, as if something had changed. He guessed it had to do with the fact that he had hung out with a small group of people instead of just Jane and Roxy, or just Karkat. He felt energized internally, like it jolted him. He was ready to face the day, ready to be in the crowded classrooms. He knew that bad things could be worth it if he had memories like that to look forward to making. He smiled, feeling a little more grown at these thoughts. He grabbed his shampoo and started to actually get clean.

            By the time he had finished, brushed his teeth, and gotten back to his room, the clock read 6:35.  He changed into his school clothes and he heard Jane sluggishly walk over to the bathroom to rush through her morning routine. They didn't walk to school together since they went in different directions on the street past the elementary school, so he didn't have to wait for her in order to leave. He decided to start the 20 minute walk a bit early today so he'd get there in time to grab breakfast from the school instead of eating here. John grabbed his few textbooks and his backpack then left for the kitchen to say goodbye to his dad.

            When he got there, Dad was sitting at the counter, newspaper in hand and pipe in mouth. He lowered the paper and said, "Good morning, son" with his lips still around the pipe.

            "Good morning, Dad!" John said. He was glad not to see any dishes on the stove signaling that Dad had made breakfast. "I was thinking of heading out early."

            Dad raised an eyebrow. "Why's that?"

            John shrugged. "I dunno, I woke up early and I'm ready to go."

            "Very well. You're planning on putting on a coat and a hat, right? Your hair would freeze, that wet."

            "Yeah, I will." John fought back the urge to roll his eyes. His dad was such a worrywart sometime, but John loved him. He knew that the old man was just looking after him. "Well, I'll see you after school!"

            Dad smiled at John, looking proud to have raised such a spirited young man. "Have a good day, son."

                                                                     

* * *

 

            When John got to the cafeteria he had around 15 minutes left according to the clock hanging high on the wall. He grabbed an apple and some milk before getting in line to pay for his food. He'd been standing there for all of 10 seconds before someone bumped into him, causing a few people to laugh. He turned around to see familiar blond hair and pale skin, with sunglasses set on the boy's stoic face. They weren't the right sunglasses though. These were aviators, not sharp anime glasses that stood out for their outrageousness. The boy lifted his chin at John, standing up straight as if to recover. John looked behind him at the small group of taller kids that had smug faces. They must have been 7th or 8th graders.

            Suddenly the blond was talking. "Yo, sorry man, those guys decided to get friendly with me and I must have lost my balance. Usually I'm spry as shit, all agile like a fucking cat, you can't tip me over. I'm fucking solid. I guess those guys caught me off guard or something 'cause it's morning and I just woke up and all."

            John felt his face twist into a mixture of suprise and confusion. This boy wasn't like Dirk at all, despite the resemblance. "Uh, it's okay. No harm done, see? Apple and milk are all fine."

            "Good, man. Wouldn't wanna harm your apple. Apples are the fucking best, the ambrosia of the gods. Only thing better is aj. Fucking love aj. It's my sin." The boy prattled on, his face set in an emotionless stare. John wondered what he was looking at, over his shoulder. John realized that this boy was old enough to look over his shoulder with ease and straightened up like the strange kid had earlier. Suddenly, sunglasses were trained on his face, and John jumped. "Hey man, I'm Dave. Dave Strider."

            John was about to introduce himself when he heard someone clear his throat behind him. He realized that he'd been holding up the line to talk to this weird kid -- Dave. "Oh! One second, Dave."

            Dave nodded. "Yeah, go ahead."

            John let the lunch lady see what he'd picked out so she could type it into her computer. He fished some money out of his pocket and handed it to her. He waited while Dave paid for his poptarts and apple juice, then they began to walk together. "Do you wanna sit together?" He asked.

            Dave thought for a moment. "Shit, dude, I don't even know your name. What would my parents or my bro think if I sat down with some stranger, even if he does appreciate the holiness that is apples."

            John chuckled. "Well, I'm John Egbert. How about now?"

            "Alright Egbert, I don't see why not." Dave led him to a nearby table before his head snapped back to John. "Wait, Egbert? Are you related to Jane?"

            John hunched forward in surprise. "Uh, yeah I am. Are you related to Dirk?"

            Dave nodded slightly. "Yeah, Dirk's my bro. He's basically best bros with your sister and her rag tag group of weirdos. Wait, shit, Jane is your sister, right?"

            "Yeah, yes. Jane's my sister. I thought you looked familiar, but I didn't know cause you've got different glasses." John was proud to know he was right when he speculated about their resemblance earlier.

            Dave grimaced. "Yeah I had a pair like his but they broke in a swing accident a few years ago.

            John suddenly burst out laughing, remembering the kid who broke his arm. "I remember that! You were the kid who broke his arm. What are your shades more important?"

            Dave shrugged. "They were a gift from Bro so I cared about them a lot. I've got the broken pieces still. I mean breaking my arm hurt like hell but those glasses were important to me."

            "Oh, I'm sorry. You looked upset that day but I figured it was just the pain." John remembered that Dave had clutched the broken pieces of his glasses in his good hand, screaming more than sobbing. He shuddered at the memory of Dave's face.

            "It's all good man. But you said I looked familiar. Have you met my bro?" Dave asked.

            John nodded, smile returning to his face. "He came over to hang out with Jane, Roxy, and Jake last night."

            "Oh that's cool." Dave said. " I've met those guys before. They're all basically 5 years old. We've gotta change their diapers and shit whenever they come over. One time Roxy broke one of our windows 'cause they were waving around one of Dirk's wrenches and it flew out of their hand."

            John found himself once again cut off when trying to reply to Dave when the bell rang to tell them to head to 1st period. "That sounds exactly like Roxy. Well, see you later, Dave."

            "Hey Egbert what lunch do you have?" Dave asked as John stood up and grabbed his bag.

            "Oh, first shift." He threw his apple core and milk container into the trash can.

            Dave started walking and John joined him. "Damn, I've got second. I guess I'll see you around. Tell Jane I say hi."

            "Will do!" John said as he waved to Dave. They left the cafeteria and walked in different directions to get to class.

            John smiled, having met a new person and liking them for the third time in two days. Usually he wouldn't have such a good time because he talked too much, but Dave rambled on and on and Jane's friends were all chatter boxes, besides Dirk. John thought it was strange yet a bit funny how much Dave talked compared to his brother. Dirk barely talked, and while he seemed reserved, he didn't seem very shy. He just seemed like he'd rather listen than talk.

            When John got to class, he felt a hand on his shoulder forcefully spinning him around.

            "John FUCKING Egbert where are you because I've been screaming your name for 5 fucking minutes walking behind you while you just spaced out like an idiot." Karkat yelled in his face. He was on his tiptoes to reach all the way up there, and John held back a laugh.

            "Sorry, Karkat! I was just a little lost in thought." John shrugged, trying to appear apologetic.

            Karkat narrowed his eyes. "Lost in thought? I swear John you could get lost in a room full of maps so that doesn't surprise me. So what has the honor of occupying your single brain cell?"

            "Jane's friends came over last night and they like me enough to let me hang out with them." John smiled again just thinking about the night before.

            "You get happy about the littlest things, don't you? John Egbert, boy who gets happy when socialization goes well. What a fucking asshat." Karkat rambled less than Dave, but he was louder which made it hilarious in its own right. People were staring at the two of them now.

            "Well, Karkat, since you hate my dumb ass so much I've gotta feel liked somehow." John joked.

            Karkat's face dropped his glare immediately. He pulled John into his arms, John protesting trying to push him off. Finally John gave in and Karkat patted him on the arms and back. "John Egbert you fucking idiot. I know I fuck around about despising you or some shit but you're one of my best friends and I value you and your brain cell."

            "Jeez, Karkat, I love you too. I was just kidding man." John blushed at the  sudden affection, secretly enjoying that Karkat dropped his grumpy facade.

            "I know, I know. Just. Let me hold you." Karkat kept patting him until the bell rang, telling them to sit down. John felt a warmth in his chest at the attention. He couldn't shake the feeling all class and his mind wouldn't settle. It kept jumping between Karkat's sudden embrace and the fun night before. He had a feeling that today would somehow get even more interesting.

                                                                        

* * *

 

            Jane came to the elementary school alone that day. John was a bit disappointed, but he was still excited to spend some time with Jane.

            "Hey, John! How was school?" She asked as they walked.

            John thought for a second. "It was good! But I couldn't really focus. Some stuff has been on my mind. Oh, and Dave says hi."

            She looked surprised, her mouth curving into a little 'o'. "You know Dave?"

            "I just met him today, actually! We bumped into each other in the lunch line because some jerks pushed him. I introduced myself and he recognized our last name." John didn't tell her that he saw the family resemblance, that he wanted to ask about Dirk.

            "Oh, yeah, I've met him a few times. He's a cool guy." she said.

            John snorted. "Oh yeah, pretty cool. He rambles on for minutes! It's such a contrast from Dirk that-" He stops himself.

            Jane stops walking and John joins her. "Are you alright, John?"

            "Yeah, I am alright. I just remembered the weird thing with Dirk last night." He said, nodding.

            "Do you want to talk about it now?" Jane asks cautiously.

            "Yes I think I do." John said.  Jane nodded for him to go on. "While we were alone I started thinking about the way he made me feel because it was similar to the way that Roxy made me feel when I had a crush on them. And I guess I looked uncomfortable because he sighed and said that you must have told me something."

            Jane nodded when he was finished. "Oh, that Dirk! I should have known he’d worry about that."

            "Worry about what?" John was curious. And if he was being particularly honest, he was a bit nervous.

            She took a few moments to think, biting her lip. "Well, I told you that Roxy is nonbinary. Neither female or male? Dirk is a guy, but he's different too. He's gay, as in he likes boys."

            John nodded. "Oh.” The pieces started to click together in his head. “Ohhh, so he thought I would act weird around because of that?

            John nodded. "He's worried about people thinking he's creepy, even though homosexuality isn't creepy and anyone who thinks so is dumb and ignorant." She curled her fists into balls. She noticed John looking at her and opened them. "Sorry I just care about him and Roxy and some people don't approve of people like them and it's horrible."

            "Yeah I agree. Why do people even care? It doesn't affect them." John felt himself getting a little heated at the thought. The anger died down though as he remembered the look on Dirk’s face. “Man, I feel really bad that he thinks I don’t like him for that. He seems really nice and stuff…”

            Jane smiled teasingly. “Oh does he, John?”

            "Yeah! I mean, he doesn’t talk much, but he didn’t say anything mean. And he’s really good at Smash!" John said. When he looked at his sister he noticed that teasing look on her face. “Hey what are you looking at me like that for?”

            “Oh nothing, John, you just seem to have taken quite a liking to Dirk.”

            John stumbled over his own feet. “I – huh? I mean. He’s nice, like I said. And I mean. I don’t know, he’s kind of mysterious, with his shades and all. I don’t know?”

            Jane giggled into her hand. “Well, you know me. I won’t judge you for anything.

            He then thought about she'd told him. That she didn't judge people who were gay. That she was mad about people judging them. He remembered the feelings that he was having about Dirk and about Karkat's affection. His eyes widened a bit, and he wondered... "Jaaaaane!”

            Jane turned toward him, still giggling. "Yes John?"

            "I don’t. Like like him or anything!” He yelped. But then he remembered what exactly he had felt for the boy. That rush in his head and that weightless feeling in his stomach. He had recognized those feelings about Dirk because he had felt that way about Roxy, and that was certainly a crush. ”Well, maybe I do…”

            Jane put her hand on her brother’s shoulder. “John, I will love you no matter what your heart decides.

            John’s uneasiness slipped away. “I… I think I do have a crush on him. A-and maybe another boy? It’s all so confusing.

            Jane immediately hugged him. "Whatever you feel or how you identify, I will still love you tons. You’ve got so much time to figure it out, and I’ll be here with you. Dad will too, I know it."

            John leaned into the hug. "Thank you, Jane, I love you too." They stayed like that for a little while, John breathing her scent in. She always smelled comfortingly like red velvet cake, and she was always warm. They didn't hug often, he realized, and he thought he had better change that. He really did love his sister more than he could say. She had been there literally since the beginning of his life, and while they had annoyed each other sometimes, he knew she was a good sibling, and he was glad to have her.

            When they released, Jane smiled down affectionately at John. “I am so proud of you for being open with yourself.”

            John groaned. "Jane, you sound like Dad."

            "I'm so proud of you for growing up to be such an honest, thoughtful young man, son." She deadpanned.

            They both laughed and then they began to talk about how silly their father was on their way home. John felt great about the talk, and he knew had a lot to think about regarding his sexuality, but he also knew he had time and a wonderful sister on his side.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, if you made it this far, thank you ;w; I've never posted fanfic online before despite planning and starting several of them. Any feedback is appreciated !


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